December is the new November

Soooo...judging by the last few red tapes that we need to cross before we get on a plane to China, it looks more and more like our trip in November will become a trip in December.  Booooooooo!  But hey, what are we going to do?  We can only do our job as quick as possible and the other parties have to do theirs.  There is a small chance we still may make it onto the mid November travel group, but more than likely it will be early December when we leave.  So, I would appreciate your prayers in all this because honestly, I'd much rather go in November!  But we will be happy with whatever God has planned...He is in control!

More tasks checked off the list!

So today we got our form from the Bureau of Consulate Affairs saying that our paperwork has been forwarded o to the US Consulate General in China.  I had to put in a new application for Ai Lan's visa application as the protocol changed recently, and thus I had to fill out a new online form, but it was super easy.  Next up is getting our Article 5 issued.  When that happens, the Article 5 gets sent to China, and China okay's our travel to China. I THINK that's how things go...it's all pretty confusing!  Either way...things are moving along!

My next task is getting those darn visa applications completed!

When You Feel the Love

An old high school buddy of mine, Mary, who is an amazing mom, educator, and friend, sent me this book and told me that she always thought of me when she read it to her children.  It reminded her of Ai Lan.  When I read it I was in tears!  It's such a beautiful story of a parent's love for their child, no matter how near or far.  It made me think of adoptive families yet to be united.  It made me think of military families, torn by an deployment.  It made me think of families fractured by divorce, and yet the parent that does not get to see his or her child every day loves them dearly, near or far.  But mostly, it made me think of God's love for each and every one of His children, those near to Him, and those far from Him. I hope I'm not breaking any copyright laws here, but I have to share this book with you!  For the record, I give full credit to it's author and illustrator, Nancy Tillman, one whom God has obviously bestowed a beautiful gift.  Enjoy!

Wherever You Are 

my love will find you

by Nancy Tillman

I wanted you more

than you ever will know,

so I sent love to follow

wherever you go.

It's high as you wish it.  It's quick as an elf.

You'll never outgrow it...it stretches itself!

 So climb any mountain...

climb up to the sky!

My love will find you.

My love can fly!

 Make a big splash!  Go out on a limb!

My love will find you.  My love can swim!

 It never gets lost, never fades, never ends...

 if you're working...

 or playing...

or sitting with friends.

You can dance 'til you're dizzy...

paint 'til you're blue...

There's no place, not one, that my love can't find you.

 And if someday you're lonely, 

or someday you're sad, 

or you strike out at baseball, 

or think you've been bad...

just lift up your face, feel the wind in your hair.

That's me, my sweet baby, my love is right there.

In the green of the grass...in the smell of

the sea...in the clouds floating by...

at the top of a tree...in the sound

crickets make at the end of the day...

"You are loved.  You are loved.  You are 

loved," they all say. 

 My love is so high, and so wide and

so deep, it's always right there, even

when you're asleep.

 So hold your head high

and don't be afraid

to march to the front

of your own parade.

If you're still my small babe

or you're all the way grown, 

my promise to you

is you're never alone.

 You are my angel, my darling, 

my star...and my love will find you,

wherever you are.

God says to each of us..."You are loved, you are loved, you are loved."

And to Ai Lan I say, "Love is not on its way, sweet baby...it's already with you."

Thanks Mary and Nancy Tillman!

Another Obstacle Bites the Dust

We crossed another mountain...waiting for our I-800 Provisional Approval.  This is legal paperwork that the government requires in order for Ai Lan to be classified as an immediate relative of ours when we adopt her in China.  Now that this paperwork is in, I quickly sent a faxed copy off to Holt, who managed to get it into their 2 PM shipment to the Consulate in China.  I'm so grateful that we got it in when we did, or it would have been a whole week longer!  But this form is now on it's way to China and the next step is getting something called an Article 5, which says that the US Central Authority finds the adoption to be acceptable, and that Ai Lan is eligible for immigration into the US.  Pray that this paper trail continues to go smoothly!

The Pain in Waiting

As November comes closer and closer, my longing to hold Ai Lan seems to grow exponentially every day!  I fully admit it's an obsession.  I'm okay with that.  I do remember also a feeling of hopeful expectation that I experienced four times as I waited for my due date to arrive for my biological kids.  As a mom, your mind dwells on this child growing within your heart and womb every minute of every day, it seems.  But to be honest, this obsession I'm feeling with Ai Lan feels different in a way.  While I awaited the birth of David, Emily, Josie, and Isaac, my heart burst with joy because I knew that while I waited, they were in exactly the best possible place they could be...in my womb.  There they were safe.  There they were indeed closer to me than they every will be outside my body.  Their life was in perfect rhythm with mine.  I felt their kicks, their hiccups, their morning stretches.  Having them in my arms was beautiful because I was able to finally see their perfect little beings, but to be honest with you, I was a little sad that the time for them to grow within me was over (while at the same time, ready to be just me again...it's an odd feeling).

But with Ai Lan...the constant hopefulness of her arrival that I feel is tinged with an ache in my heart that I cannot fully describe.  I look forward to the opportunity to have her in my arms, as I did with my biological kids, but I mourn the days as they tick by and she's an ocean away.

An ocean away.  Still.  After 11 month of longing for her.

The rational part of me realizes that this long process is necessary to make sure that children are being protected from human trafficking and illegal immigration practices.  It's a good thing.  It really is.  But my daughter has been as good as mine in my heart for nearly 11 months, and she's still there, and I'm still here, and I hate that.  It makes me heartsick that I've missed her first steps, first words, first everything.  I've missed countless hugs and kisses.  I've missed countless opportunities to laugh at her antics.  And it could be nearly two whole months more of this.  Waiting for my biological kids to make their world debut was hopeful, expectant fun.  This wait, this adoption process of waiting for a child who is thousands of mile away...pain.  Sheer pain.

Lord...be my peace.  Father...watch over my daughter.  God...expedite our paperwork.  Jesus...bring her home to us.

Update on Ai Lan!

We got an update!  A few days ago I received an email from our agency, Holt International, with an update regarding our daughter, Ai Lan.  And it included updated pictures and a video of her walking, which made this mama's heart sing!  So without further ado...

I know, right?  Is she not the cutest thing ever? For some reason I can't get the video to upload correctly to the blog, but if you are friends with me on FB, you can see it on my timeline there.

I do have a couple of things that you can pray for.  In the update from Holt, we got word that Ai Lan has begun to have seizures.  This is not at all one bit surprising to us.  We fully expected this at some point because this is a hallmark symptom of having Sturge-Weber Sydrome (SWS).  The good news is that medication can do a really good job of controlling the seizures and right now we are told that Ai Lan is doing great, and I believe them because she looks great in her video and pictures!  So when she gets home, it's off to Children's Hospital in Oakland to see a pediatric neurologist and to visit their International Adoption Clinic (yes, there is such a thing and I feel SO BLESSED to have it so close to our home...less than two hours away).  I do not fear, for I know that God sends his angels to go before Ai Lan and behind her.  But pray for her that the Lord protect her fragile little brain from these seizures and that we get access to the best possible care here in the US for Ai Lan.  I'll be fighting for her every step of the way, and I know God hears our prayers!

  

For nothing is impossible with God

I don't even have a fancy work up into saying this, so I'm just going to throw it out there.  The past two weeks have been an amazing ride that I hope I never forget!  You see...I had kind of given up hope that we would meet out fundraising goal, and so I spent hours, no days, filling out applications for adoption loans and grants.  We were about $8,000 short of our goal, and I had just gotten word that we would be traveling to China in three months, and we needed to pay for that travel before we left of course, which meant I was about two months away from a large bill.

Then out of nowhere, some dear friends decided to knock a whopping $5,000 off that burden!  I was floored.  Literally.  My knees actually buckled and I ended up face planted into the carpet, thanking God for His provision, and asking for forgiveness for my lack of faith.  What a gift.  I was so humbled. It was then that I knew that even if one of those grants or loans came through, I was going to turn it down.  My faith had been restored.

Over the next week, donations were rolling in from friends and family near and far.  What was so apparent to me was the Christian understanding on giving was truly being lived out right before my eyes...not equal giving, but equal sacrifice.  Many gave generously out of their abundance.  For many, it was truly a sacrifice to give out of what little they did have.  It was beautiful.

Over Labor Day weekend, I was again in constant "pick my jaw up off the floor" mode...for four days straight.  It started just before the weekend, when someone who was a stranger (now a friend) to me asked me how much we needed to reach our fundraising goal and then made up the total amount...to the tune of over $1800! I was completely shocked.  Literally I had never met this family.  Who would do such a thing other than someone who had themselves known the love of God and sought to share it with others?  Then ANOTHER stranger donated $100.  "What is going on!" I wondered.  I could do nothing by cry and shake my head and thank God for his provision.  I shut down our PayPal button on our blog, announced that we had reached our goal, and sighed the biggest sigh of relief EVER.

But God wasn't done yet.  Oh no.

Saturday, I was at a family get together at my parent's house.  My Uncle Ed was there with his wife Tammy.  Now, these two have many struggles in life.  My uncle doesn't really work due to his mental and physical impairments.  My aunt works her fingers to the bone at minimum wage.  They are two people who God put together to love each other unconditionally, but let me assure you that there is no extra money in that home.  I never in a million years would have expected to get any donation from them.  I'd much rather they keep what little income they get.  But that day, Tammy walks meekly up to me, hands me an envelope, and tell me that since Christmas they had been saving their change for Ai Lan, and that they love her and can't wait to get her home.  I turned over the envelope.  It was $75.  I was stunned.  I tried not to burst into tears but it was no use.  Truly this was the widow's mite. This was a staggering amount for these two, and I knew it.  Tammy said there were times when they needed to buy something and considered pulling it from this "Ai Lan fund," but she said, "Then your Uncle Ed would say, 'No, this is Ai Lan's money."  Humbled isn't a strong enough word.  I thought about all the times when I said "no" to people asking for just a few dollars and I was ashamed.  I tried to thank them but there were really no words to express my emotions.

But God wasn't done yet.

Fast forward just about three hours...we are now at my in-law's house, swimming and bbq-ing.  My soon to be 11 year old niece, Tatum, walks up to us and says, 'I've been collecting recycling all summer and cashed it in, and I got paid to help my dad sort crawdads.  I want to give the money to you so that you can bring Ai Lan home."  Then, get this...that little sweetheart hands me $95.  Ninety-five dollars!  By now I'm completely overwhelmed.  It's almost more than I can take.  I'm crying and I'm pretty sure I saw the red-eyed look of a man trying to hold it back in Dan as well.  And she was so proud!  And I was so proud!  And her mom looked on and she was beaming with pride as well!

Dear Lord, I get it!  I was a faithless coward when I thought this wasn't going to happen just a few weeks ago!  You are so good.  You use the lowest in this world to show me your power, and they will be the greatest in your kingdom.  I love your economy, Father.

And yet still...He wasn't done.

Three hours later, I arrive home.  There is a card in the mail.  It's from a couple on the East Coast, and at first I don't recognize the last name, I will shamefully admit.  I open it, and no joke I nearly pass out.  My head is dizzy. I can't focus my eyes.  There is a one and three zeroes before the decimal but I keep re-reading it thinking I have it wrong.  Nope.  I don't.  Then it hits me who this person is...an old high school friend who recently got married (hence the delayed recognition on the name...duh).  This is too much.  This is too much, God!  Tears flow as I am once again overwhelmed by the humbled spirit which I am far too often not reflecting.  A few days later my friend sends me a message saying that she knows that we were fully funded by the time this donation arrived (I'm thinking it was just mailed when she found this out?), but that she wanted us to keep this money for whatever we needed it for.  You see, they had been given a gift similar to this, and this was their way of paying it forward.  Wow.

Does all this sound unbelievable?  Believe it.  It happened.  I have witnesses.  I'm writing all this down for several reasons.  First, I hope that anyone who has ever considered adoption but is scared away by the price tag will reconsider.  Gods will, God's bill, people.  Don't be like me.  Have faith.  Second, when my faith is shaken, I can return to this post and remind myself that God is the provider of all that we need.  I know that this will be important as we deal with Ai Lan's possible health struggles when she gets home to us.  And lastly, I can print this page out and put it in Ai Lan's life book, and some day, if she ever doubts her place in this family, which she will naturally likely question at some point, I can read this to her and remind her that God used many, many people, complete strangers, family, and friends to place her in exactly the family where God wants her.

For nothing is impossible with God.

Luke 1:37

Bye-bye PayPal Button!

As you can see, we removed the PayPal button because we no longer need any more funds to reach our fundraising goal!

Provided byFund-Raising-Ideas-Center.com

Thanks to the extreme generosity of all our friends (new and old), family, and even some complete strangers, we have all the money we need to help bring Ai Lan home!  I have a blog post formulating in my head about the beautiful things that have happened to us in the past few days, but for now I just wanted to give you all a quick update and say thank you so much!  These next few months of preparing for Ai Lan's homecoming are going to go so quick I'm sure, and pretty soon you will see photos of her in our home!  Yeah!